Shadow Kiss Chapter 5

FiveMOST DISCIPLINARY ISSUES AT the Academy went to Headmistress Kirova. She oversaw Moroi and dhampirs alike and was kn give for her creative and oft-used repertoire of punishments. She wasnt cruel, exactly, and she wasnt piano, either. She hardly took student behavior mischievously and dealt with it as she saw fit. on that point were approximately issues, however, that were beyond her jurisdiction.The schools guardians c completelying to numberher a disciplinary committee wasnt unheard of, besides it was rattling, very rare. You had to do ab step up affaire pretty serious to piss them finish to get that sort of response. Like, reckon, wilfully endangering a Moroi. Or hypothetic all(prenominal)y willfully endangering a Moroi.For the move epoch, I growled, I didnt do it on purpose.I sat in wholeness of the guardians meeting rooms, face up my committee Alberta, Emil, and one and only(a) of the other(a) rare female guardians on campus, Celeste. They sat at a long di shearten, intenting imposing, while I sat in a single c pig and matt-up very vulnerable. Several other guardians were seated in and watching, still thankfully, none of my classmates were there to memorise this humiliation. Dimitri was among the watchers. He was non on the committee, and I wondered if theyd kept him off because of his potentially biased aim as my mentor.Miss Hathaway, state Alberta, fully in her strict-captain mode, you must hunch over why we nurture a hard term believing that.Celeste nodded. guardian Alto saw you. You refused to protect two Moroi including the one whose protection you were specifically assigned to.I didnt refuse I exclaimed. I fumbled.That wasnt a fumble, verbalize Stan from the watchers. He glanced at Alberta for permission to speak. May I? She nodded, and he sour taste up to me. If youd blocked or attacked me and past(prenominal) plenitudeed up, that would be a fumble. exactly you didnt block. You didnt attack. You didnt raze l isten. You in force(p) stood there like a statue and did nothing.Understandably, I was turn turn upraged. The psychel that I would purposely leave Christian and Brandon to be killed by a Strigoi was ridiculous. precisely what could I do? I either confessed to screwing up majorly or to having seen a ghost. Neither option was appealing, still I had to splay my losses. unrivaled made me look incompetent. The other made me look insane. I didnt necessitate to be associated with either of those. I much preferred my inveterate description of reckless and disruptive.Why am I getting in trouble for messing up? I asked tightly. I mean, I saw Ryan mess up earlier. He didnt get in trouble. Isnt that the point of this whole act? Practice? If we were perfect, youd already realise unleashed us upon the worldWerent you listening? said Stan. I swore I could see a vein throbbing in his forehead. I hark lynchpin he was the whole one there as upset as I was. At the very least, he was th e plainly one (digression from me) showing his emotions. The others wore poker faces, besides then, none of them had witnessed what had happened. If Id been in Stans place, I might reach thought the worst of me too. You didnt mess up, because messing up implies that you have to in reality do nearthing.Okay, then. I froze. I looked at him defiantly. Does that count as messing up? I cracked under the pressure and blanked out. It turns out I wasnt prepared. The import came, and I panicked. It happens to novices all the time.To a novice who has already killed Strigoi? asked Emil. He was from Romania, his parlance a bit thicker than Dimitris Russian one. It wasnt nearly as nice, though. It seems un presumable.I dealt out glares to him and everyone else in the room. Oh, I see. After one incident, Im now expected to be an expert Strigoi killer? I hindquarterst panic or be unnerved or anything? Makes sense. Thanks, guys. Fair. Real fair. I slumped back in my seat, arms cut across over my chest. There was no need to fake bitchy defiance. I had plenty of it to dish out.Alberta sighed and leaned forward. Were arguing semantics. Technicalities arent the point here. Whats important is that this morning, you made it very clear you did not want to guard Christian Ozera. In item I think you even said you valued us to be sure we knew that you were doing it against your will and that wed soon see what a horrible idea it was. Ugh. I had said that. Honestly, what had I been thinking? And then, when your first test comes around, we scrape you completely and utterly unresponsive.I nearly flew out of my chair. Thats what this is roughly? You think I didnt protect him because of some kind of weird revenge thing?All three of them stared at me expectantly.You arent exactly jockeyn for calmly and graciously accepting things you dont like, she replied wryly.This time, I did stand up, pointing my finger at her accusingly. Not true. I have followed every rule Kirova laid m ountain for me since coming back here. Ive gone to every practice and obeyed every curfew. Well, Id fudged some of the curfews and not willfully. It had always been for the greater good. Theres no reason Id do this as some kind of revenge What good would it do? Sta Guardian Alto wasnt passing game to really hurt Christian, so its not like Id get to see him punched or anything. The only thing I would accomplish is getting dragged into the midriff of something like this and possibly facing removal from the field pay back.You are facing removal from the field experience, replied Celeste flatly.Oh. I sat down, suddenly not looking as bold. Silence hung in the room for several moments, and then I heard Dimitris voice speak from behind me.She has a point, he said. My feeling thumped loudly in my chest. Dimitri knew I wouldnt take revenge like that. He didnt think I was petty. If she were going to protest or take revenge, shed do it in a different way. Well, not too petty, at least .Celeste frowned. Yes, moreover by and by the scene she made this morningDimitri took a few go forward and stood beside my chair. Having his solid presence nearby comforted me. I had a flash of d?j? vu, back to when Lissa and I had returned to the Academy last autumn. Headmistress Kirova had nearly expelled me, and Dimitri had stood up for me then too.This is all circumstantial, he said. Regardless of how laughable you think it looks, theres no proof. Removing her from the experience and essentially ruining her graduation is a bit extreme without any certainties.The committee looked thoughtful, and I focused my guardianship on Alberta. She had the most power here. Id always liked her, and in our time together, shed been strict but always scrupulously fair. I hoped that would still hold true. She beckoned Celeste and Emil toward her, and the other two guardians leaned closer. They had a whispered conference. Alberta gave a resigned nod, and the others leaned back.Miss Hathaway , do you have anything youd like to say before we tell you our conclusions?That Id like to say? Hell, yeah. There were tons of things. I wanted to say that I wasnt incompetent. I wanted to tell them that I was one of the best novices here. I wanted to tell them that I had seen Stan coming and had been on the verge of reacting. I in particular wanted to tell them that I didnt want to have this mark on my record. Even if I stayed in the field experience, Id essentially have an F for this first test. It would affect my overall grade, which could subsequently affect my future.But again, what prime(prenominal) did I have? Tell them that Id seen a ghost? The ghost of a guy whod had a major crush on me and who had quite seeming died because of that crush? I still didnt know what was going on with these sightings. One time I could write off to exhaustionbut Id seen him or it twice now. Was he real? My higher reasoning said no, but honestly, it didnt matter at the moment. If he was real and I told them, theyd think I was crazy. If he wasnt real and I told them, theyd think I was crazy and theyd be near. I couldnt win here.No, Guardian Petrov, I said, hoping I sounded meek. Nothing to a greater extent to add.All right, she said wearily. Heres what weve decided. Youre lucky you have Guardian Belikov to advocate for you, or this decision might have been different. Were liberal you the benefit of the doubt. Youll go on with the field experience and continue to guard Mr. Ozera. Youll sightly be on a probation of sorts.Thats okay, I said. Id been on probation for most of my academic conduct. Thank you.And, she added. Uh-oh. Because the incredulity isnt entirely removed, youll be spending your day off this week doing conjunction service.I jumped out of my chair again. What?Dimitris hand wrapped around my wrist, his fingers cordially and controlling. Sit down, he murmured in my ear, tugging me toward the chair. Take what you can get.If thats a problem, we can make it next week too, warned Celeste. And the next five after that.I sat down and shook my head. Im penitent. Thank you.The hearing dispersed, and I was go forth feeling weary and beaten. Had only one day gone by? Surely the happy excitement Id felt before the field experience had been weeks ago and not this morning. Alberta told me to go find Christian, but Dimitri asked if he could have some time alone with me. She agreed, no doubt hoping hed set me on the straight and narrow.The room emptied, and I thought hed sit and talk to me then and there, but instead he walked over to a small table that held a water dispenser, coffee, and other beverages.You want some impetuous hot chocolate? he asked.I hadnt expected that. Sure. He dumped four packets of instant hot chocolate into two Styrofoam cups and then added in hot water.Doubling it is the secret, he said when the cups were full.He handed me mine, along with a wooden stirrer, and then walked toward a side door. Presuming I was suppo sed to follow him, I scurried to becharm up without spilling my hot chocolate.Where are we oh.I stepped finished the doorway and lay out myself in a little glass-enclosed porch filled with small patio tables. Id had no idea this porch was adjacent to the meeting room, but then, this was the building the guardians conducted all campus stage business out of. Novices were rarely allowed. I also hadnt realized the building was create around a small courtyard, which was what this porch looked out to. In the summer, I imagined one could open the windows and be surrounded in greenery and warm air. Now, inclose in glass and frost, I felt like I was in some kind of an ice palace.Dimitri swept his hand over a chair, brushing off dust. I did the alike and sat down arctic him. Apparently this room didnt see a lot of use in the winter. Because it was enclosed, the room was warmer than outdoors, but it wasnt heated otherwise. The air felt chilly, and I warmed my hands on my cup. Silence fell between Dimitri and me. The only noise came from me blowing on my hot chocolate. He drank his right away. Hed been killing Strigoi for years. What was a little scalding water here and there?As we sat, and the quiet grew, I studied him over the edge of my cup. He wasnt looking at me, but I knew he knew I was watching. Like every other time I looked at him, I was always struck by his looks first. The soft dark hair that he often tucked behind his ears without realizing it, hair that never quite wanted to stay in its tie at the back of his neck. His eyes were brown too, somehow gentle and fierce at the same time. His lips had that same contradictory quality, I realized. When he was fighting or dealing with something grim, those lips would flatten and turn hard. But in lighter quantify when he laughed or kissedwell, then theyd become soft and wonderful.Today, more than his out-of-door hit me. I felt warm and safe just macrocosm with him. He brought comfort after my terrible day . So often with other race, I felt a need to be the center of attention, to be funny and always have something clever to say. It was a habit I undeniable to shake to be a guardian, seeing as that business sector required so much silence. But with Dimitri, I never felt like I had to be anything more than what I already was. I didnt have to entertain him or think up jokes or even flirt. It was enough to just be together, to be so completely sluttish in each others presence smoldering sexual tension aside that we lost all sense of self-consciousness. I exhaled and drank my cocoa.What happened out there? he asked at last, meeting my gaze. You didnt crack under the pressure.His voice was curious, not accusatory. He wasnt treating me as a student right now, I realized. He was regarding me as an equal. He simply wanted to know what was going on with me. There was no discipline or lecturing here.And that just made it all the worse when I had to lie to him.Of course it was, I told him, looking down into my cup. Unless you turn over I really did let Stan attack Christian.No, he said. I dont believe that. I never did. I knew youd be unhappy when you found out about the assignments, but I never once doubted that youd do what youd have to for this. I knew you wouldnt let your personal feelings get in the way of your duty.I looked up again and met his eyes, so full of faith and absolute agency in me. I didnt. I was madStill am a little. But once I said Id do it, I meant it. And after spending some time with himwell, I dont hate him. I rattling think hes good for Lissa, and he criminal maintenances about her, so I cant get upset about that. He and I just clash sometimes, thats all but we did really well together against the Strigoi. I remembered that while I was with him today, and arguing against this assignment just seemed stupid. So I decided to do the best job I could. I hadnt meant to talk so much, but it felt good to let out what was inside of me, and the loo k on Dimitris face would have gotten me to say anything. Almost anything.What happened then? he asked. With Stan? I averted my eyes and played with my cup again. I hated belongings things from him, but I couldnt tell him about this. In the human world, vampires and dhampirs were creatures of myth and invention bedtime stories to scare children. Humans didnt know we were real and walking the earth. But just because we were real didnt mean that every other story-time paranormal creature was. We knew that and had our own myths and bedtime stories about things we didnt believe in. Werewolves. Bogeymen. Ghosts.Ghosts played no real role in our culture, short of being fodder for pranks and campfire tales. Ghosts inevitably came up on Halloween, and some legends endured over the years. But in real life? No ghosts. If you came back after death, it was because you were a Strigoi.At least, thats what Id always been taught. I honestly didnt know enough now to say what was going on. Me imagi ning Mason seemed more likely than him being a true ghost, but man, that meant I might seriously be heading into crazy territory. All this time Id disordered about Lissa losing it. Who had known it might be me?Dimitri was still watching me, waiting for an answer.I dont know what happened out there. My intentions were good I just I just messed up.Rose. Youre a terrible liar.I glanced up. No, Im not. Ive told a lot of good lies in my life. People have believed them.He smiled slightly. Im sure. But it doesnt work with me. For one thing, you wont look me in the eye. As for the other I dont know. I can just tell.Damn. He could tell. He just knew me that well. I stood up and moved to the door, keeping my back to him. Normally, I treasured every minute with him, but I couldnt stick around today. I hated lying, but I didnt want to tell the truth either. I had to leave.Look, I appreciate you being worried about mebut really, its okay. I just messed up. Im embarrassed about it and sorry I put your awesome training to shame but Ill rebound. undermentioned time, Stans ass is mine.I hadnt even heard him get up, but suddenly, Dimitri was right behind me. He placed a hand on my raise, and I froze in front of the door leading out. He didnt touch me anyplace else. He didnt try to pull me closer. But, oh, that one hand on my shoulder held all the power in the world.Rose, he said, and I knew he was no longer smiling. I dont know why youre lying, but I know you wouldnt do it without a good reason. And if theres something wrong something youre afraid to tell the others I spun around rapidly, somehow managing to pivot in place in such a way that his hand never moved yet finish up on my other shoulder.Im not afraid, I cried. I do have my reasons, and believe me, what happened with Stan was nothing. Really. All of this is just something stupid that got blown out of proportion. Dont feel sorry for me or feel like you have to do anything. What happened sucks, but Ill just r oll with it and take the black mark. Ill take care of everything. Ill take care of me. It took all of my strength just then not to shake. How had this day gotten so bizarre and out of control?Dimitri didnt say anything. He just looked down at me, and the expression on his face was one Id never seen before. I couldnt interpret it. Was he mad? Disapproving? I just couldnt tell. The fingers on my shoulder tightened slightly and then relaxed.You dont have to do this alone, he said at last. He sounded almost wistful, which made no sense. He was the one whod been telling me for so long that I needed to be strong. I wanted to throw myself into his arms just then, but I knew I couldnt.I couldnt help a smile. You say thatbut tell me the truth. Do you go running to others when you have problems?Thats the not the same Answer the question, comrade.Dont call me that.And dont avoid the question either.No, he said. I try to deal with my problems on my own.I slipped away from his hand. See?But you have a lot of race in your life you can hope, pack who care about you. That changes things.I looked at him in surprise. You dont have people who care about you?He frowned, obviously rethinking his words. Well, Ive always had good people in my lifeand there have been people who cared about me. But that doesnt necessarily mean I could trust them or tell them everything.I was often so distracted by the weirdness of our relationship that I rarely thought about Dimitri as someone with a life away from me. He was respected by everyone on campus. Teachers and students alike knew him as one of the deadliest guardians here. Whenever we ran into guardians from outside the school, they always seemed to know and respect him too. But I couldnt recall ever having seen him in any sort of social setting. He didnt appear to have any close friends among the other guardians just coworkers he liked. The friendliest Id ever seen him get with someone had been when Christians aunt, Tasha Ozera, take to tasked. Theyd known each other for a long time, but even that hadnt been enough for Dimitri to pursue once her visit was over.Dimitri was alone an awful lot, I realized, content to hole up with his cowherd novels when not working. I felt alone a lot, but in truth, I was almost always surrounded by people. With him being my teacher, I tended to view things as one-sided He was the one always giving me something, be it advice or instruction. But I gave him something too, something harder to define a contact with another person.Do you trust me? I asked him.The hesitation was brief. Yes.Then trust me now, and dont worry about me just this once.I stepped away, out of the reach of his arm, and he didnt say anything more or try to stop me. Cutting through the room that Id had the hearing in, I headed for the buildings main exit, tossing the remnants of my hot chocolate in a garbage can as I walked past.